its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
