So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
