All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
