so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize