i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Drake has all the answers
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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