I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize