we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
