So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
