So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
