i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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