There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
