Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
