Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
