I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize