can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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