She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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