I accidentally had phone sex last night
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize