i permit you to call me
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Green mimosas i think yes
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
