A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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