Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize