Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
