You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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