so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
