i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
