Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
