Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So vagazzling was a success
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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