Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
