There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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