I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
