apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
is that a dick in a sweater?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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