after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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