i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Randomize
