Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
