The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
