Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
