So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
