That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
