Someone shit on the floor
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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