its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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