having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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