OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
