I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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