The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
this just has baby written all over it
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
