I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
