somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he thought i was a dude.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
