smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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