I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it glows. i had to have it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
