I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
