yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
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