tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
