haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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