The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
this hospital has no fireball
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize