I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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