he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
