my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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