I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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