Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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