You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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