We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
