She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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