If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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