if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
