She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
