I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
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