Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
