fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
