Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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