so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
