She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize