I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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