FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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