I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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