dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
