K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
