I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
