True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
