ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think your dad took our porno
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
