I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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