I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
pop tarts are not kleenex
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize