The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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