My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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