She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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