C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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