I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize