gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize