Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
