So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
