for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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