dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
