I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize