apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
