WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
