Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
True but thats because hes a fetus.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
