We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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