New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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