Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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