he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
