yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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