The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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