i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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