Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
