I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
