honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
