Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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