So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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