Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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