But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't deserve a penis
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
