She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
