I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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