The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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